Making The Impossible Possible

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One of the gifts my son received this past Christmas was an addictive brain game called Rush Hour.  It comes with a bunch of reference cards showing different levels  of difficulty (easy, medium, hard, and expert).  Each card has a pattern of plastic toy cars that you have to start each unique game with.  The goal is to move the cars in just right combination so you can move your red car out of the traffic jam and off the game board to win the game.  I have tried to play this game and the harder levels are difficult even for an adult.

My son spent hours on the hard level with no success.  Mentally exhausted, he shouted out to me, “Dad, this is impossible!”.  Hearing this, I turned my head towards him, then a few seconds later, he had solved it.  I used this incident to teach him that if you never give up and keep on persisting, you can  solve things that seem impossible at the moment.  This is a good lesson for adults as well, for we have to visualize and have faith in a solution even when at the moment, things seem impossible.  Our children’s success in life will depend on their persistence in not giving up when things look bleak.

Boy, This Race Was A Real Pisser!

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Peeing Runner

During my Sunday long runs with the Staten Island Athletic Club, our masters captain Gus noticed I finished each run with a noticeable layer of thick salt across my forehead.  “Josh, you gotta hydrate more before, during and after your long runs”, was his response.  Keeping this in mind, I made sure I took his advice when I ran The 2013 Brooklyn Half Marathon.  The day before, I loaded up on several glassfuls of water.  The morning of the race, I had a big cup of coffee, then a few more cupfuls of H20.  I think I was hydrated enough and ready for the race.

We were in our start corrals and just moments away from the start of the race.  I was looking for an available port-o-potty, but they were all occupied.  I decide to hold it in; how bad can that be?

I was bent on breaking my pr (personal record) of 1:41:13 for this race.  I’ve run many times with my friend Jennifer, a dedicated runner who has been continually improving in her running since I first met her several years ago.  Jen and I planned on starting and finishing together.

The race starts.  After running with Jen for the first seven miles and filling up on even more water at each water station throughout the race, the urge to urinate is growing in me.  Jen tells me to go ahead of her since my pace was picking up, so I start pulling away from her.  I am now on Ocean Parkway, a flat, wide thoroughfare going through the heart of Brooklyn.  As the miles pass and my speed increases, the need to urinate increases.  At Mile 10, it becomes unbearable.  I decide that the only way I can finish the rest of the race comfortably is to get rid of all the urine.  But stopping to pee was out of the question; I wanted to save as much time as possible in this race so I can give myself a chance to break my pr, for even seconds count.  My bladder was in pain holding back the floodwaters, so I decided to urinate in my running shorts.  The only problem was that I couldn’t do it.  I was conditioned since childhood not to pee in my pants.  I had to mentally motivate myself to pee.  Like a pathetic cheerleader awkwardly chanting things like, “Josh, you can do it!”, and “Pee! Pee! Pee!”, I was determined to achieve success in this matter.  After much self-motivation, the floodgates opened up and a giant sense of relief filled my being.  “Hallelujah! Now I can focus on finishing this race!”, I thought to myself.  And thank the Lord that I was wearing black running shorts.  I looked at other runners to see if they noticed my ‘situation’, but they were all in their own little  world focused on getting their race done.

After relieving myself, I was able to focus on increasing my pace, for I was bent on breaking my pr.  The last few miles were my fastest, especially Mile 12.  I crossed the finish line on the Coney Island Boardwalk with a new pr of 1:40:08; over a minute faster than my previous half marathon record.

Boy, this race was a real pisser!

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The Soda Controversy: A Personal Success Story

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Over 20 years ago, the City of New York implemented an AIDS curriculum in all public schools as a way to control the AIDS epidemic.  Teachers taught age-appropriate AIDS lessons from kindergarten through the 6th grade.  After that, junior high and high school teachers continued teaching AIDS awareness and prevention lessons through their respective health classes.

While AIDS is still a widespread problem today, another epidemic that has been rapidly growing throughout the United States is obesity.  This is a silent epidemic due to the pervasiveness and widespread availability of soda throughout every corner of society.  I applaud Mayor Bloomberg for trying to pass legislation that sets limits on the size of soft drinks, for people addicted to soda will buy whatever size is available even if it means increasing their likelihood of diabetes and other health complications related to the overconsumption of sugar.  Bloomberg’s soda legislation was ultimately shot down, and as a result, soda as a health issue will continue.  I believe that like the AIDS lessons from 20 years ago, the most effective way to control the overconsumption of soda is through education.  As a preschool teacher, I would like to share with you a personal success story that supports this.

Over the past 11 years, I’ve been teaching nutrition lessons to the children in my classroom.  Two years ago, I began to dedicate more of my teaching time to nutrition, for I knew that the things that I teach these children now will have a positive impact on society as they get older.  I began to keep things very real with my students, saying things like “McDonalds, Burger King and Wendys is bad for you.  Tell your parents not to bring you there anymore”.  I even brought a 2-liter bottle of soda into the classroom and had the children pour out the contents of the entire bottle into the toilet, loudly chanting,”Goodbye soda.  We don’t want you anymore!”.  While appearing extreme, I knew that these activities would leave a lasting impression in these kid’s heads, which will make them more conscious about the food and drink choices they will make as they get older.

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Goodbye soda! We don’t want you anymore!

About a year and a half ago, a new child named Christopher entered my class.  He was an unassuming and quiet child, but little did I know that he would become my biggest cheerleader in the field of nutrition and the extent of his education would eventually go far beyond the classroom.  As I did my thing teaching proper nutrition and condemning junk food and soda through my vivid demonstrations, Christopher would just sit there, listen and watch.  A year later when it was time to discuss his progress with his mother, I was shocked to hear the following from her:

Christopher does not drink soda anymore; he drinks water.  In fact, nobody in our house drinks soda anymore because Christopher told us that, “Josh said that soda is bad for you”.  His big brother gave up soda and lost 15 pounds.  I gave up soda and lost 15 pounds and his father gave up soda and lost 35 pounds.  Christopher will not let us bring him to McDonalds anymore; he makes me cook a lot of vegetables for him now because, “Josh said that McDonalds is bad for you and vegetables are good for you.  His grandmother who lives in Mexico has diabetes.  Christopher told her that he eats healthy now so he won’t get sick.

Christopher is just one success story to show how education can affect change for a healthier society.  I believe that if all public school teachers were given a mandated nutrition curriculum to follow like the AIDS curriculum of 20 years ago, soda sizes will naturally get smaller simply because our society will be educated enough to know better.

Chris' Family

Christopher and his parents celebrating his fourth birthday in my classroom.

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This’ll be the day that I die

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In the world of background acting, there are many scenes where background is hired to play nondescript characters.  Those who play these roles are barely recognizable on screen if at all.  A higher level that many actors working background strive for is the featured background role.  For these roles, the background actor may play the featured doorman, limo driver, hot dog stand guy, police officer, and an assortment of other characters that may stand out in a scene.  On any given episode of a crime drama like Law & Order: SVU, there is always the dead guy role.  He’s the guy who gets murdered somewhere near the beginning of the show.  The cops then have to spend the rest of the show trying to solve the mystery of who killed him.  Many actors die trying to get this role.  I was the one who actually got it.  Here’s my story…

Last December, I submitted a headshot of myself for the dead guy role through a popular actors website called castingnetworks.com.  Not reading the fine print, I sent them a regular clothed photo of myself.  Later on in the day, I received an email from them stating that they needed me to send them two specific photos; one frontside of me topless and the other one of my backside exposing exactly one inch of my butt crack.  Such a weird request, but that’s often the nature of show business, and there’s always a valid reason for these requests no matter how crazy they sound.  I realized that if I act fast and give them the photos they asked for, I would increase my chances of getting this role, for how many actors can send half-naked back and frontside photos of themselves so quickly?  My daughter was home, so I had her take the photos of me.  When I turned around to have my backside shot, I pulled my pants down  just enough to expose approximately one inch of my butt crack.  My daughter was surprised and immediately asked me why I just did that, with which I replied, “Because it’s for a TV show and they wanted me to show them one inch of my butt crack”.  She responded, “Okay, but when this show goes on the air, do not tell ANY of my friends that you will be on it, okay!?”.  I told her not to worry.

After the pics were taken and emailed to the casting director, not five minutes go by and I get a call from them telling me that I am going to play the dead guy on the show.  I got the role and I had my daughter to thank!

On the day of the shoot, I was sent to the wardrobe trailer.  Since I was hired specifically to play a victim of a murder-rape, they wanted me to appear naked in the scene, so the wardrobe people gave me nude-colored underwear they referred to as “modesty wear”.  In the scene, I was to wear only that to make it seem as though I was completely naked.  The scene was in a seedy hotel room in Midtown Manhattan.  The assistants bound my left wrist with a man’s necktie tied to the bedpost while my right wrist was bound by a belt to the right bedpost.  A rag was jammed into my mouth to really dramatize the brutality of the scene.  A technician came in with what looked like three pools of blood of different sizes.  The pools were made out of solidified acrylic; they were hard and flat as pancakes, but they still appeared wet.  The technician put one of the pools on the carpet beneath where my head would hang down over the edge of the bed to make it appear that blood dripped out of my head to the floor below.

Due to the network censors, a man’s ass cheeks cannot be shown on network TV, but they do allow for exactly one inch of his crack to show on screen (And two inches if you are a woman.  Don’t ask me why).  Because of this rule, the set dresser had to cover my naked ass with a bedsheet.  Interestingly, he took pains to make sure to expose only one inch of my crack.

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Here I am waiting for the cops to come to my rescue. Oh wait, it’s too late.

The actress starring on the show, Mariska Hargitay, came in with her co-star to prepare for the scene with me.  Mariska came to me and said, “So you’re the murder of the day, huh?  Nice to meet you”.  I responded with an awkward smile.

My character was Mr. Dunleavy, a corporate big-wig with a nasty secret: he liked to visit gay clubs and discreetly have kinky sex with men. Only the guy who picked him up had a thing against closeted men masquerading as straight guys.  He ended up killing me during our sexcapade on the hotel room bed with blood dripping down my head (it’s really a mixture of corn syrup and other stuff).

In the scene, Mariska knocks on the door of my hotel room.  When there was no answer, the hotel manager opens the door where she comes rushing in with her gun pointed towards me.  Only I’m lying face-down lifeless at the edge of the bed.  She then reaches down towards me to check my pulse, and after a moment or two, replies to her partner, “He’s gone!”.

What many of you don’t know is that Mariska is a very funny lady.  After one of the takes was done, she continued to improvise her role by whispering in my ear, “I always loved you!”.  She continued to engage in other on-set shenanigans to break up the tension and monotony of the shoot.

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Actress Mariska Hargitay checking my pulse and declaring me dead.

The above scene was filmed in several takes.  During the filming, as soon as the director yelled “Action!”, I took a deep breath of air and held my breath for the duration of the scene which lasted for a good 60-90 seconds.  The reason I did this is that since I was playing dead, I did not want my lungs to move during the scene.  I had to lie completely motionless in every sense of the word.  Keeping this in mind, I literally felt like I was going for a long underwater swim and not coming up until the director cut action of the scene.  As soon as he cut the scene, I gasped for air again.  The further challenge for me was that I had to breathe through a rag that was jammed in my mouth.

During one of the takes, I could clearly hear the director ask the cameraman, “Make sure you get the crack!”  I knew exactly what he meant and repeatedly pondered why I am here to begin with.

When all the takes were done with and the cameraman went to “check the gates”, I was relieved to know that my scene was done.  The rag was gently taken out of my mouth and the belt and tie were removed from my wrists.  I was able to put on a workout outfit to keep me warm until I got back to holding where my real clothes were.  The makeup guy removed the fake blood that was caked on my forehead.

I went home with the satisfaction in knowing that the character I played was a key element to the plot of the episode.  I think I killed that role!

A Year In Review: 2012

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While 2012 came and went, it was a year of many firsts.  I started the year off doing Bikram Yoga, something that someone suggested I do over 25 years ago to help me with my running.  In the Spring, we visited an archery range in Brooklyn and we each took our turns shooting arrows.  I learned that archery teaches you to focus and is a great way to relieve stress.

Emma Archery

Also during the Spring, I finally decided to join AFTRA, which at the time was the television actors union.  Just a few weeks later, AFTRA merged with SAG (Screen Actors Guild), which made me an automatic member of SAG-AFTRA.  I now get the benefit of making more money when I work on a background acting gig.  While background work can be tedious, it can also be fun and a great escape from routines of life.  Below is a photo from the film Winter’s Tale where I played a New York pedestrian from 1916.

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During the summer, my children and I went surfing at a surf school at Rockaway Beach, Queens.  Hunter and I could not stay on the surfboard without falling off, but Emma learned to master it rather quickly.  While we looked cool standing on our surfboards in the photo below, once we were in the water, it was a different story.

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In August, we went to the Bahamas for the first time and experienced the once-in-a-lifetime chance to hug and kiss a dolphin.  This was also the first time we ever visited the Caribbean.

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During the Fall, I brought the family to an avant-garde, industrial-style fashion show in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which was a funky experience for all of us.

After the devastation caused by Hurricane Sandy, I helped clear the hiking trails with my children in Staten Island.  That is when I learned how to operate a chainsaw for the first time in my life.

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Weeks later, we saw the United States Women’s Gymnastics Team perform at Barclay’s Center.  We also visited a temporary art exhibit by the sculptor Tatzu Nishi at Columbus Circle in Manhattan.

At the beginning of the year, Hunter had written down a resolution to run both the Brooklyn Triple Crown and Staten Island Triple Crown race series.  He kept to his goal and ran in all six races for both series.  He won awards for his age category in the process.

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Hunter has also become an accomplished pianist for his age.  He is continually learning new songs all the time and has even composed some original music.

Emma continues to excel in her gymnastics class and can now do full splits, somersaults and flips.  She has become very creative in using many different kinds of media and through YouTube videos, she has learned how to form and shape polymer clay into virtually any design she can think of.  She also has learned how to solve the Rubik’s Cube and can solve it in less than two minutes.

Making or breaking a family

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Broken Marriage Egg

DISCLAIMER: There are many complex reasons why a couple gets divorced.  This is just one of them.

The relationship between a man and a woman can evolve into a beautiful thing.  From the beginning when they exchange phone numbers to their first date, their first kiss, their first intimate relationship and the first time they both unanimously declare, “I love you”, to the realization that they are “made for each other”, a relationship can blossom into a meaningful life together.

As the years go by and they get married and have children, their relationship gets transferred through their mutual love for their children.  In a sense, all the firsts that they previously experienced in their lives without children begins anew, this time with experiencing their children’s first steps, their first word and their first set of teeth.

Within the next several years, there seems to be a natural phenomenon that occurs where the mother’s love for her children goes full-throttle while her love and interest for her husband begins to wane, continuing on a downward spiral.  This might be a part of Mother Nature’s plan, for among many species of life in the World, it is the female who predominantly cares for her young while the male disappears from the family unit, content that he had done his job in helping to propagate the species and nothing more.  In lower life forms such as birds, snakes, cats and dogs, this setup seems to be the best plan for nature.  However, being that humans have the unique capability to experience very complex emotions, feelings and needs, this plan often destroys the family structure, creates feelings of sadness, longing and despair among its family members, particularly from the husband, and rarely works to anyone’s benefit.

It can be said that when every member in a family is happy, the family as a whole can be happy.  I have spoken to many male friends who have told me how, without provocation, their wives had gradually lost interest in them after having children.  I believe that there is something inherently wrong with this scenario, especially if the husband is a good provider, good person, caring parent, and a loving husband.  I am not talking about those jerky dead-beat dads who want nothing to do with their family and are the cause for a family break-up; I am talking about husbands who care and love their wife and children.  These husbands will often ask themselves, “What did I do wrong?”  Many young men who get married unwittingly will enter this situation.  In my confidential discussions with many of my married male friends, their neglect from their wives often leads them to see other women on the side.  This is another phenomenon of the human condition, for nature abhors a vacuum.  Feelings of sadness and neglect and longing to be needed by the wife does not make for a happy husband, which interferes with the rest of the family being completely happy.  A disconnect begins to happen where the father often feels like the “odd man out” and no longer a needed part of the family unit.  This is the point where many men leave the relationship, creating despair in the children by tearing the family apart.  The only one who really “wins” is the mother who gets to fulfill her inexorable need to be both mother AND father, or superparent.

The above pattern does not always happen with all married couples; there are also many relationships that are successful and we can all learn from them if we just focus on what makes them successful.  If a mother puts her mind to it, she can compartmentalize her role with her husband and her role with her children.  She can create an internal dialogue with thoughts like, “My children need me and I am giving them the love, attention, support and nutritional needs that they require.  They are happy because they are getting all that they need right now.  I can now focus some of my attention on my husband.  He does not need as much attention as them, but I realize that he does need some at times.  My children need him to be a part of the family just as much as they need me; for they love both of us unconditionally and expect us to be together.  As a married couple, each of us have strengths and weaknesses, and working together, we can really make for a successful happy family.  Alone, it won’t be the same.  We are both team players and we must work together to make this family work.”

A husband and a wife each have the power to make or break a marriage.  It is up to the both of them to have the resolve and determination to make their marriage work, and thus, to keep the family together.  We owe it to our children and to ourselves.

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Bikram Yoga

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Bikram Yoga Guy

I finally took advice that was given to me long ago while running cross-country track back during my Hunter College days.  I wanted to run my races faster and my coach at the time suggested that I take up yoga.  Well, 25 years later, I finally took his advice and began my very first yoga class just recently.  But this wasn’t any ordinary yoga; it was Bikram Yoga.  In Bikram Yoga, your body is subjected to 26 difficult postures for 90 minutes while in a room heated to 105 degrees.  The heat is intended to soften up all the muscles in the body to make it that much easier and quicker to assume all the postures without injury.

Being a runner for the past 29 years with a tight body and very little flexibility, I knew that my first yoga class would not be a walk in the park.  Regardless, since I’m a long-distance runner with four marathons under my belt and a high threshold for pain, I figured that I can go the distance and finish an entire 90-minute session, pain and all.

Just moments before class began, I looked around and noticed a sea of about 30 women in hot, sweaty form-fitting outfits all around me.  “Boy, I think I’m gonna like this class”, I thought to myself.  As the instructor began the session by telling everyone to assume the first posture and describing in detail exactly what to do, everyone like clockwork mimicked her every command.  I followed her first command with this cocky thought: this is no big deal.  After all, celebrities like Ashton Kutcher, Lady Gaga, Charles Barkley, Madonna and David Beckham all are practitioners of this kind of yoga.

Boy, was I wrong!  About 10 minutes into the 90-minute session, parts of me were being stretched, bent, and twisted in ways that seemed to defy the laws of nature, or so I thought.  The instructor, you see, while we were being stretched in very unnatural and painful ways taking on such poses as the Awkward Pose and the Twisted Spine pose, explained how going beyond what we thought was possible would make us stronger, more flexible, and healthier.  According to Wikipedia, Bikram Yoga “…stimulates and restores health to every muscle, joint, and organ of the body” by making the blood flood in a more efficient way to all areas of the body.  It’s a yoga that’s so thorough and deep-reaching inside the human body that it purports to even stretch the lungs for a greater oxygen capacity.

After about 15 minutes into our session, our yoga instructor excitedly uttered the phrase, “Okay, party time!”.  Contrary to what you may think, there was no party to be had from these words; this was just her perverted way of giving us just enough free time to take a swig of water from our water bottles, and nothing more.  If this was party time, then going back to hell was only moments away.

As time went on during the class and as I tried desperately to stretch my requested body parts in unfathomable ways by following the instructor’s sadistic requests, my mind at times became borderline delirious as the blood rushed through out.  My pain threshold was tested to its limits, but ultimately it weathered the storm and helped me get through the full 90-minute torture-fest.  During the ordeal, I sweated like a pig.  But it was a good sweat; a sweat that made me feel in no uncertain terms like a new man.  For a moment, as I looked at my stomach in the mirror, I even thought I saw a 6-pack emerge underneath all that belly fat.

In the last 15-20 minutes of class, the instructor told us to assume the Shavasana Pose on several occasions where we simply had to lie flat on our backs and do nothing at all except breathe.  This word comes from the ancient Sanskrit meaning “Dead Man’s Pose”.  At this point, I looked forward to playing a dead man as much as possible.

I felt like I almost died during my first Bikram class.  But since you are obviously reading this blog entry, I am still alive…. and well…. and feeling great.

After completing my first class, the old adage came to mind: whatever doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.  This class made me feel stronger, more flexible, healthier and even more spiritual.  I am a new man because of Bikram Yoga.

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Polar Bear Plunge

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As I get older and more daring in life, things that I once thought were crazy are crazy no more.  One of these things was being a participant in the 2012 Coney Island Polar Bear Plunge, held on the first day of every new year.  Last year I participated in my first plunge and had a great experience, but I did it alone that day.  This time I invited members of my running club.  There were nine of us who were willing to anoint our bodies into the icy-cold goodness of the Atlantic Ocean.  As insane  and traumatic as this may sound, it is important to describe what one goes through during the entire process of entering the water and becoming a Polar Bear.

At exactly 1:00PM, the “race” into the ocean officially begins.  With equal amounts of fear, trepidation and excitement, I, along with hundreds of other people throughout the New York area begin a mad dash straight towards the ocean.  In the midst of this frantic run, there are hundreds of spectators, cameramen and photographers taking pictures of everyone.  Finally, I make it into the ocean.  My feet feel the cold first, feeling like a jolt of icy-cold energy about to begin its rapid ascent through my entire body.  For some reason, a huge smile forms on my face and this is happening to everyone else around me.  Instead of becoming fearful, everyone begins to become giddy from the freezing sensation we are all experiencing.  The icy-cold sensation becomes a drug, and we want more of it.

The absolute, overwhelming and encompassing feeling of coldness around every part of my body awakens my brain and makes me think about the meaning of life at a level that I’ve never felt before.  It is at this moment that I have an epiphany about life itself.  I am on top of the World.

On a physical level, consider drinking a strong cup of Starbucks coffee; now multiply that ten-fold and that is how awake you feel when submerged in 40-degree water.

After going through the above experience and my epiphany the whole of two minutes, I make sure that I totally submerge myself, head and all, underwater, for this is the only way one can be a true Polar Bear.  After doing this deed, both of my feet feel numb, so I SLOWLY start heading back towards the shore.  If anything, the one difficult part of the whole Polar Bear experience is the freezing of the feet.  Since your feet are extremities and have a lot of capillaries, the coldness one feels there can be quite discomforting.  According to the Polar Bear Club Rules, you have to enter, get completely submerged, then immediately leave the water.  This rule was no problem for me to follow.

After making it out of the water alive and well, I find my friends and we joyfully high-five one another.  We each get certificates stating that we “Did it!”, thereby making our admittance into the Polar Bear Club official.

I am now a certified Polar Bear!

P.S.  According to the Polar Bear Club website, no one has ever died from doing a plunge.

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From left: Mark, Courtney, Steve, Me, Darin and Katie.